Off Topic With Ashley

“Ahhh, crap.”

The realisation strikes that I have bungled my strategy, dropped my ball, criss-crossed my buns, wasted my turn, and made up at least one faux-cliche in the process.

It occurs to me that what I want to write about most right now is indeed something that I don’t want me employer knowing. Or the majority of my friends. Indeed I’m starting to think that with the frequency with which I find myself starting to think I want another blog, perhaps there’s a fundamental reason for my vexation. And that’s that this one has kind of run its course.

I’ve got stuff I want to reason out for myself, much like I used to do many years ago before I even had this TLD. I used to be able to vent, reason, analyse and break my stupid young thoughts down and much like a manic depressive preys on details and relives traumatic experiences over and over in the hopes of finding a way to make things right, I would be able to simply deal with my shit straight up — once — and have my previous night’s conclusions one click away for subsequent perusal and digestion.

These days I guess I no longer feel comfortable doing that here. Through perhaps naïveté and a misplaced sense of pride, my blog and consequently every thought that precedes is now permanently archived in the Internet and collated with my name and just about everything I’ve ever done. I don’t quite know what possessed me to take part in this farce in the first place, but now I feel overly self-important and a bit two-point-oh, indelibly cloud and oh so social. All this and yet I’ve nowhere really anonymous where I can regularly do what I do best: piss and bitch and moan.

So I’m going to have to do something to make myself feel better about things, and although I haven’t worked out precisely what that’s going to involve, there’s  a good chance you’re going to be neither interested nor privy to it anyway. My blog’s always been wholeheartedly about me and my stuff, and it’s kind of tiring feeling the need to censor it based on the vast demographics I know are reading.

(Standard disclaimer: This is an ongoing thing, and it’s not about me, not you.)