Off Topic With Ashley

Jim Wallace has now twice touted his analogy that the Internet Filtering trial is like a bodged up refriger­ation trial.

He claims that just because we found “…one refrigerator that didn’t cool the meat” we shouldn’t give up. Aside the fact that the analogy is horrible, and the fact that none of the tested filters actually worked within any acceptable kind of parameters, I’ve decided to run with it.

Here is my adjusted analogy.

Let’s say we’re trialling refrigeration.

All of the refrigerators trialled left pockets of warm meat, as well as actually heating some items up by mistake. All of them interfered with the microwave, by making them take up to 87% longer to cook things. The trials that had less interference with the speed of the kitchen, were significantly less effective at cooling the meat.

None of the examples could cool anything other than chicken, leaving germs and filth to swarm over other items such as beef. Luncheon and sausages could be partially cooled, but only if they were completely removed from the fridge.

If an adult wants to put a roast chicken in the fridge, they must first contact the government to “opt-out” of the chicken nugget only profile. After this process has taken place, the meal may be refrigerated, but only in some situations.

After seeing this, the refrigeration trial would be deemed a failure, not only because it has the potential to significantly interrupt the performance of the rest of the kitchen, but because other companies are already offering refrigerators should you wish to purchase one. Also in this ridiculous analogy, food doesn’t actually need to be refrigerated anyway because germs keep to themselves behind the sink for fear of being disinfected.

It’s a bit silly, isn’t it? And remember, just as disinfectant breeds superbugs; so does forcing illegal content underground.